#28: Helpselfingmeselfmyhelp

An album is born!

Well, here we are. Or rather, here I am. To you it’s probably just another Friday, to me it’s mostly just another Friday. The only difference is that my first full-length album is out today.

I’ve been feeling a mix of excitement, agitation and nostalgia this week. By now most of what’s left is excitement and relief. I’m just happy to be able to share it. To give you some context before you listen, I jotted down some of the memories that came up this week, in a more or less chronological order:

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I remember breaking down and calling my mother. Staring out the window at the turquoise clock tower for hours. Canceling all my plans. Getting a 400 euro parking bill because I forgot to turn off the meter in the app. Walking laps around Beatrixpark listening to Chet Baker. Not sleeping even though I felt more tired than I’d ever felt. Walking past the skatepark to get ice cream and wishing I’d pursued skating instead of music. Getting a 200 euro parking ticket because I parked in a spot reserved for electric cars. Walking around my neighbourhood and losing my way. Buying a second hand skateboard from a dad with a burnout. Reminding myself to look up. Practicing ollies under a big office building. Walking laps around Amstelpark listening to Music for Airports by Brian Eno. Being in love. Feeling alone. Skating faster than I could, hoping I’d fall and break my wrist so I’d have a real reason to not play for a while. Guided meditations. Feeling like I was in a bubble, separate from everything and everyone around me. Getting more ice cream and thinking of ways I could befriend the skaters at the park. Quitting therapy because it was expensive and I figured I might as well do it myself. Writing a song again. Trying it out at the studio with Andrew. Pints of Guinness at Dopey’s. Writing another song and listening back to it before falling asleep. Parking in the right spot. Practicing kickflips on a tech deck on the mixing desk. Sandwiches from Perry’s. Crying from laughing in-between takes. Being glad that I didn’t break my wrist. Writing a love song and believing in it too. Walking home from the studio and feeling the happiest I’d felt in a long time.

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The album is titled Selfhelpingmehelpmyself because that’s what I was doing initially and that felt like a strong theme on the record. In hindsight, though, the title of the album is quite ironic. That bubble around me only burst once I started realising that I wasn’t going to get out of that hole on my own. It should really be called Ushelpingushelpourselves, but that rolls off the tongue even worse than the real title. A while back I heard a friend of mine say “we’re all walking each other home”, and isn’t that just the most beautiful thing you ever heard. That sums it up for me. So, to everyone who walked me home: thank you.

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Now, enough of the sappy shit. We must rejoice! Jesus allegedly rose from the dead and somehow managed to move a huge boulder and stroll back into town!

That + my album is surely more than enough reason to celebrate. Perhaps this Sunday at Paradiso? Shall we say around 19:00? You can acquire a ticket here and yes, you can bring a date. Limited spots available so make haste!

I feel it is also my duty to notify you there will be two pretty nifty items for sale:

The first ever Sam Vano vinyl and ‘what’s the little booklet’, you ask? Oh, nothing. Just a comic book with handwritten lyrics and beautiful illustrations by Tara Wilts. Only 6 bucks. Friggin’ steal. But it’s no big deal really…

Hope you like the album, see ya Sunday!